


Clearing the Air

by MulticoloredRose



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Apologies, Awkward Conversations, Gen, Jealousy, One-Sided Attraction, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 14:13:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19889155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MulticoloredRose/pseuds/MulticoloredRose
Summary: Liara visits Shepard during the events of Mass Effect 3 to discuss their history and certain things along the way.





	Clearing the Air

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Non-Canon Shepard - 'Ethan Shepard'.  
> Just canon stuff from my headcanons on my playthroughs of Ethan and the original Trilogy.

The reports these days are never ending. Constant data points coming in ranging from information about the Crucible to the strength of the fleet to the latest Cerberus shenanigans or Council requests that they need to be made aware of. Shepard gets it, with two Council Spectres on board one of the most advanced ships in existence right now in all of Citadel space – and also the only ship able to get into Reaper infected territory for rescue missions – he fully understands why the information keeps pouring in and why the Council is so obsessed with keeping their fingers ‘on the pulse’ so to speak.

‘Pulling their leash’ Garrus had called it. ‘Reminding them who was in charge and who they answered to’. Shepard doesn’t really disagree, but at this point it’s all needed information and they’re all on the same side, so he isn’t too concerned with it. As long as open communications maintain then that’s a good sign, even if the information seems like a lot of busy work.

There’s a soft knock at the door to his cabin and Shepard glances up to see EDI put up an alert for him that says ‘Liara’.

“Come on in.” He calls out over his shoulder at the identity of his visitor and he hears the hiss of the door’s hydraulics as it opens and closes behind the asari archeologist turned Shadow Broker. Shepard puts down his report in order to turn to Liara with a smile and an easy greeting of ‘Hey Liara’. He pauses though when he sees a strange look on the woman’s face. It’s almost like she’s going to the gallows or something and her eyes can’t seem to bare to look at him. It raises a lot of red flags instantly. “Is everything okay? Has something happened?” He asks, a healthy amount of concern in his tone.

“No…No nothing has happened. I just wished to speak with you about something that happened once upon a time.” She says after a moment of wringing her hands and looking at the fish swimming in the aquarium instead of him. “Seeing as these might be our last days, I wished to get something off of my chest.”

“Okay.” Shepard says, motioning to the couch area for them both to take a seat. “Please, take a seat. You know my door is always open for you Liara.” She gets a sad smile at that, like he’s said something that’s both funny and not at the same time as she sits. There’s silence between them for a bit before she sighs and starts to talk.

“Do you remember when we first met? When I first came aboard the Normandy?”

“Of course.” Shepard replies. “It feels like a lifetime ago.”

“For you I suppose it was.” Liara jokes softly and she looks up at him in horror at the joke she’s made and its connotations, but the amused smile on Shepard’s face seems to soothe any concerns that she might have crossed a line accidentally. Honestly, he’s heard much worse from Joker.

Daily.

“I was quite taken with you, if you remember.” Liara starts up again and Shepard nods slightly.

“I do.” He admits slowly. “But it was a short thing though, if I recall correctly.”

“For you perhaps. I wished not to make my feelings a burden that you’d have to carry along with all the other ones you already had on your shoulders.” Liara says as she looks down at her hands and Shepard remembers the awkwardness of being approached by the young asari scientist, and wasn’t it weird to consider a woman over a hundred as young? He remembers how he had to gently let her down and let her know that friendship was all he wished from their relationship.

“I seem to recall you wanting to experiment on me.” He jokes lightly and she smiles.

“Maybe a little.” She admits. “What you don’t know Shepard is that…there is more to the story. A lot more, and I have done a grave disservice to our friendship in my thoughts and behaviors and I wish to apologize.”

“Okay.” Shepard says with a small nod.

“When I came aboard the Normandy, it was like stepping into a new world. I…well I became easily overwhelmed and I became a little infatuated with you. I am sure that your connection to the Protheans helped it as you already know, but I sought to know you and then I sought after you in a way to make you mine. You turned me down.”

“I remember.”

“If you recall, you told me that you were already in a relationship but that even if you hadn’t been that you did not see me that way.” She sighs. “I’ll confess to not believing you, but over the next few days I watched you and I became aware of your interactions with Ashley and I knew that it was her of whom you spoke. That she was the woman you loved.” She looks up at him. “I found myself becoming rather jealous of Ashley, but I had thought myself mature enough and above things like that at the time.”

“You wouldn’t be the first person to experience something like that.”

“Perhaps you’re right.” She says. “But unfortunately, that is only the start of the story.”

“Oh?”

“I had told myself that it was clear that you had chosen Ashley, and I figured it was for the best. You were of a similar species and you seemed content with each other, and as funny as it is, I found myself quickly enamored with another. I still harbored feelings for you, but I became aware of similar feelings for this person as well.” She looks away again. “He was kind to me, kinder than anyone else and he seemed genuinely concerned about me. Concerned that I was settling in, that I was comfortable, that I didn’t feel like an outcast on the ship. He made it very easy to fall in love with him, and I did. How could I not?” She does that sigh again. “I told him of my feelings…and he turned me down as well. Told me that he was already in a relationship.”

“Kaidan.” Shepard guesses and Liara nods. Funny, Shepard didn’t know that. Kaidan had never mentioned it to him at any point, not that Shepard’s really surprised. The brunet biotic lives and breathes by his own code in a way that would make Samara impressed and he would have undoubtedly taken that information to the grave with him to prevent creating a situation where Liara might feel uncomfortable in her confession.

“As you can imagine, I was distraught. I was less kind about the whole thing than he was to me and so after I had some time to cool down, I went to go apologize to him, to make up for my behavior…” She looks back at the fish. “…And then I saw him with Ashley.”

“ _Oh_.” It’s not the most articulate of responses, but it’s the one that comes out. It’s not hard to figure what Liara means when she says that.

“I thought that she was playing the two of you. Stringing you both along and I was…secretly glad.” Liara admits. “I waited a little while after I saw it. I was going to reveal her betrayal to the two of you at the opportune time and then…”

“And then maybe one of us would be yours.” Shepard guesses and she nods.

“That was how my thinking went back then. I did not understand yet the nature of your relationship with the two of them.” She cringes at that point and it’s such a human gesture that Shepard’s hard pressed not to be amused by it. “I…I regret to tell you that I did something unforgivable during that time.”

“Oh?”

“When we touched minds…I’m not truly sure if it was an accident or if I secretly searched for it, but I…saw.”

“Oh.” His tone is a little less friendly at that confession, but who can blame him? “What did you see?”

“Your relationship with them. How you felt about them. How much you…” She cuts off and Shepard’s secretly grateful for it. “I’m sure you can guess…I knew in that moment that I had erred in my understanding of human behaviors and that Ashley was not ‘playing’ you both as I had originally believed, but that the three of you were in a strange relationship that I had not considered.” She sighs again. “It was around that time that I came to not only be jealous of her…but I think I also came to hate her a little bit. I imagined myself in her position at times, with the two of you at my side instead of hers. I watched Kaidan go about his duties having seen and felt what you did for him and it just made it harder to keep apart from him…it was beneath all of us and yet I did it.” She pauses. “Ashley and I never really found a way to become friends, and it was probably because of my jealousy against her and her distrust of my species…and when she died…I was glad.” Liara finishes her sentence in a soft sounding whisper.

There it is, the part that Shepard’s been feeling coming up around the corner. It wasn’t hard to see where this conversation was leading up to.

“It was horrible.” She says. “I saw you and Kaidan suffering, and I thought to myself how it might be my chance. My chance to replace _her_. To have what she’d had.” Liara shakes her head. “I know now that I could not have just slipped in as her replacement as Ashley and I are very different and whatever made you love her is clearly not here inside of me and yet, I wanted it. I wanted your grief to benefit me and I grew frustrated when it did not.”

“Liara.”

“No, let me finish please.” She says and Shepard falls silent. “It was wrong of me. To hate her so and then to see such benefit in her death. It would not be the first time that I would attempt to use someone’s grief as a stepping stone into their arms…” She takes a deep breath. “When you died…I sought out Kaidan again.”

“You did?”

“Yes. He was hurting and I had so many emotions tied into him, both yours and mine and I wanted to…offer comfort.” It’s clear that’s not all she wanted to do. “He was very kind, as he always is, but he turned me away again. I…I was not as good of a friend to him as he was to me and I pushed when I should not have and we went our separate ways.”

“You ‘pushed’?” Shepard finds himself asking, a deep level of concern at the wording popping up. “Pushed how?”

“I…I pretended to be okay with just being his friend when he needed one most, and I betrayed that. Or I guess it’s impossible to betray something that you never intended to do. I never wanted to just be his friend and I pushed too hard and he sent me away, so I threw myself into finding you.”

“…did the two of you…?”

“No. We did not sleep together. He was not in the place for it and when he drew the line, he kept to it. I don’t think he would have forgiven me otherwise. He’s not the sort to take that kind of action lightly after all.” She looks at Shepard. “I wanted to be honest about it all though. About you, me and Ashley. I feel like this has been this dark secret that I have kept for years. I’ve grown a lot since then. I’m a different person than the young woman you met all those years ago; but I felt that if I did not confess to this that I would be doing a disservice to you and to him, and to the friendship that I have come to cherish from both of you.”

“So…you’ve finally moved on?” Shepard asks and Liara gives him that sad smile again.

“No.” She admits. “I think I will take my feelings for the two of you to the grave with me. It’s just interwound into me at this point, but I am mature enough now to realize that you don’t get to claim people. Claim them and deceive them and hurt them for your own gains. I wanted to know that I had told the truth…and if you still wished to be my friend after all of it, then I would like that greatly.”

“We’re still friends Liara.” Shepard says. “The only thing I feel you needed to apologize to me for was taking advantage of my trust when we mind melded.” She nods with another cringe. “But I’m not the only one you need to apologize to.”

“I have already spoken with Kaidan. As much of this story includes him, even more so than you at times, I felt that he deserved that I go to him first to apologize.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.” Liara says and she gets a faraway look. “There is more to that story, more that I have not told you and that does not belong to you so I will not…but he has asked me for time.” Shepard blinks in surprise. Kaidan isn’t one to push someone back lightly, and he does wonder what else went down between the two of them, but he won’t ask. He’ll just be there for Kaidan when he needs him. “He wants time to see how he feels about it once he is able to process it all and I intend to grant it.”

“Okay. I won’t put you two on missions together for a while.”

“That would probably be for the best.” She looks at him. “I am sorry Shepard. For my transgressions against you.”

“I know.” Shepard says with a nod. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I hope that you can forgive me.”

“You’re already forgiven Liara.” Shepard answers honestly. “And you’re still my friend if you wish to be.”

“I do, very much.”

“Then consider it settled.” Shepard tells her and she gets a smile. “I’ll see you at dinner Liara.”

“I’ll see you then Shepard.”


End file.
